I have for you declare the Lord,...
Wow, I can't believe how a few situations can change a person's whole perspective in life. I have really been struggling lately with wanting to stay in ministry. It is so hard. People are so hard to deal with. For a moment I would love to be able to show up for church, put my kids in the nursery and find a chair and just worship and listen to the message.
But for 6 years I have plan/lead worship, did nursery/children's church, ladies bible study, plan events, teach the jr. highers, secretary stuff, cleaning the church. And just being available to people like your someone "special". I am normal as they are and have needs too.
But this higher calling to be a minister doesn't allow me to have those needs with those people. I need a close "like minded" friend to share my woe be gones too. They are far and few between.
God has been teaching me that He is and should be my ultimate source for secure friendship. He will never leave me, treat me poorly, walk all over me and have other agenda's. He want to just be with ME! To lean on Him. To seek Him for wisdom and encouragement. (But sometimes it's just nice to have Jesus with flesh on around me.)
To think that Jesus walked a very lonely journey. He knows what I am going through. I have never felt more like a stanger in a stranger world, than of late. And that seems to be ok. It has surely plunged me back into His arms of love and safety. And I love Him dearly.
For now it is me and Him. The future......only he knows and I am trusting Him with that.