I have for you declare the Lord,...
Wow, I can't believe how a few situations can change a person's whole perspective in life. I have really been struggling lately with wanting to stay in ministry. It is so hard. People are so hard to deal with. For a moment I would love to be able to show up for church, put my kids in the nursery and find a chair and just worship and listen to the message.
But for 6 years I have plan/lead worship, did nursery/children's church, ladies bible study, plan events, teach the jr. highers, secretary stuff, cleaning the church. And just being available to people like your someone "special". I am normal as they are and have needs too.
But this higher calling to be a minister doesn't allow me to have those needs with those people. I need a close "like minded" friend to share my woe be gones too. They are far and few between.
God has been teaching me that He is and should be my ultimate source for secure friendship. He will never leave me, treat me poorly, walk all over me and have other agenda's. He want to just be with ME! To lean on Him. To seek Him for wisdom and encouragement. (But sometimes it's just nice to have Jesus with flesh on around me.)
To think that Jesus walked a very lonely journey. He knows what I am going through. I have never felt more like a stanger in a stranger world, than of late. And that seems to be ok. It has surely plunged me back into His arms of love and safety. And I love Him dearly.
For now it is me and Him. The future......only he knows and I am trusting Him with that.
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2 comments:
Hi, Amy
My name is Brenda and I, too, am a pastor's wife. I just read your post where you were talking about "friends" being few and far between. As the Pastor/wife we are in a unique position that we can't share our feelings with just anyone or have just anyone be friend. I totally identify with you about wishing you could just go to church and be part of the congregation. I play the keyboard and lead worship, I have been the youth leader, the children's church teacher, the sunday school teacher, etc., etc., so I now only too well how you feel.
But God is so good that He does, from time to time, bring those special people into our lives who truly can be the kind of friend you need. And, even though you have to wear so many different "hats" in ministry, He still brings those times of refreshing. When you feel you just can't, or don't want to keep doing it, He will cause something to happen to give you a renewed excitement and a new zeal to do His work.
I don't think it's an accident that I happened to read your blog. I am a brand new blogger (just did my first post 2 days ago), and I just happened to be glancing thru the list of comments of people who are entering the contest for a free blog design, and I saw your name. So, see, maybe it was God's plan for me to read your post because He knows your need for someone who can "understand" how you feel and give you encouragement. I hope I have been able to do that.
Okay, I'm going to try to send this message to you and hope that you might like to write to me as well. I live in sunny So. California and I haven't a clue as to what I'm doing with this blogging thing. Hope this gets to you!
Thank you so much. I did need to hear that! I read something last night in my
devotions that said we need to remember and rely on what we "know" about God's
character cause we may not always "feel" like we should. and this world
definitely revolves on emotions. So I am standing on His promises right now
even though I don't "feel" like it.
I love reading blogs and felt a real need to be able to connect to people
through them so I started to blog but I still struggle to learn all the ropes.
I'm glad you found your way to me. I would love to be able correspond with you.
Thanks again.
Amy
please email me direct so I have your email. Thanks.
amybaden@bayland.net
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